just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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