Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
