no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
