we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
