Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
