last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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