So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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