I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
