I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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