i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
