dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
