I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well you can't waste a boner
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
