Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
