Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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