like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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