She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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