I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
