Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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