Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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