eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
