She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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