I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
