and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
