Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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