Betty ford says i'm here all night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
