BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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