the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
