I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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