he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want nice things and good sex
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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