I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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