He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My life is pants optional.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
