I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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