Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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