we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
