I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
