I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
