I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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