I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
