i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
