All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
