Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
