I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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