I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
