8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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