After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
