I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
