btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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