When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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