In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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