belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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