u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
