im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
