Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
